Thank You Mother Mary

I know its been a while since I’ve posted anything, but I have been writing. I just keep hitting the Save Draft button and thinking about it before I post it. I’m glad I’ve been doing that too. I could unleash some serious fucking anger and resentment if I wanted to. I just don’t want to do that though. That’s not me anymore. I’m trying to bury that guy. He died in July of 2009 and I’ve been throwing dirt on that guys grave ever since. A teaspoon at a time. I’m getting pretty close to finishing that job I hope. I’ve had help along the way too. And that’s what this post is about.

Mother Mary isn’t always a girl. In this case its a guy in Massachusetts I’ve known since 2003-2004. I’ve never met him in person but he’s one of the best friends I’ve ever known. He’s full of wisdom and good advice, music lover, and he writes like nobody’s business. I think everybody has heard the saying, “everyone you meet comes into your life for a reason, if even for a short time.”  I’m not exactly sure what short time means as I believe we are are all here for just a short time. It seems like just the other day I was fishing with my parents and siblings on a lake in northern Wisconsin. That was probably 35 or more years ago, but it don’t seem that long ago.

I feel like I’ve been in a battle for the last 12 weeks. Or at least its been a battle for me. I’ve had this guy, this counselor, telling me I’m an addict this whole 12 weeks. He told me that again the other day while I was looking at that big bag of candy sitting on his desk. I’m not sure he really knows what an addiction is judging by that sack of chocolate and sugar on his desk. But hey, that’s not my cross to bear. Except for a couple of relapses, I’ve had over 6 years of sobriety. One of those relapses I’d probably do all over again too. I think my uncle Bob would have understood that one. I still miss him every day like I still miss my mother 20 plus years later. I hate that I had to say goodbye to them. But I think that’s only a temporary goodbye. We’ll see.

I may be in deep shit tomorrow morning. I’ve been worried about it since last Thursday. But then I talked to my friend up east via email. I’ve been thinking about what he said to me about my situation and we talked about God. I’ve read that 88% of the worlds population believes in God. I think maybe 1 or 2% of those believers even knows who God is. My friend and I do though. I know we’re both on the same page about it at least. The last time I talked to him on the phone he told me I was one of very few people he would even discuss that topic with. I’m flattered and grateful both for that. I respect the guy more than anyone else.

I went to an AA meeting tonight, like I have been doing twice a week for the past 12 weeks. I’ve made almost every NA meeting in that time too. I let a lot out tonight as gently as possible. I even had to speak up once more to let them all know they had nothing to defend in my book. But I also spoke the truth. And I did it with all my honesty. I hope nobody got butt hurt in the process. I think I made myself clear enough though. You see, I didn’t get sober in AA. I walked in that door with at least 5 sobriety years under my belt. I tried AA a long time ago. I wasn’t ready to quit yet though. I wasn’t doing it for me either. I had to learn the hard way like everything else in my life.

After that meeting tonight, and a lot of pondering before and after. I had just read my friends email before I left for the meeting. I had a video I was going to watch on youtube when I got home. I got about 20 minutes into it and I suddenly felt compelled to listen to a couple of Beatles songs for some reason. I think I’ve figured out why I listened to those songs now. I think I know what to do tomorrow now too. And its in this song, hence the title of my post tonight. So I just want to dedicate that song and another one to my good friend in Massachusetts and say thank you to him once again. He always knows what to say. I know most people who read this and listen to the songs may not get it. And that’s alright. This one is between my friend and I. And I know he’ll “get it”. Everyone learns lessons their own way. And I think I’ve figured out what I’m going to do with this coming week.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

(Ooh) Let it be, let it be
A-let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
A-let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
A-let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Oh, there will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Oh, there will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

This was the second song I felt compelled to listen to. Its the lyrics. Magmak will understand all of these lyrics. Peace My Friend. I love you like a brother.

Peace and Love Good People ….

Debt Slavery – Something Different

I’ve been working an a huge blog post for several days now and I’m still editing and even still writing, adding to it. Its eight pages long so far and that may be too much for just one post. So I might break it into two or three posts. I haven’t decided yet. But tonight I’m going to do something a little different than the norm around here. Before I talk more about this outpatient rehab thing I’ve been going through I’d like to share a little of what I know. Or at least believe to be true about the big picture. I found a website that really breaks it all down about the truth of things. And I happen to agree with at least the majority of what is said. The content can be found in full by clicking here. It opens in a new tab or window.

This is called “The Rabbit Hole From a Historical Context” … The video is unavailable on the website for me but the words are there. And they are True words to the best of my knowledge.

The Slavery System: The Chains Of Debt Slavery Are Dissolved.

Whether we realized it or not, until recently, we were all ‘legally’ debt or ‘labor’ slaves, as were our parents, our grandparents and great grandparents before us. Since 1933 every new child born was required to be ‘registered’, thereby creating a Corporate Person, effectively denying that child any rights as an owner of Real Property. The act of registering a child contracted them as chattel, and the birth record was a deceptive legal way of getting the parents to sign the baby away. The birth record was in fact a promissory note that was converted into a slave bond… Read more

Banking: How You Were Unwittingly Robbed and Cheated Your Whole Life.

The banking system is a constant forum for fraudulent contracts and coercive commerce worldwide. Henry Ford ‘telegraphed’ to people, the thievery and deceit of the U.S. banking system when he said, “It is well enough that the people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.”Read more

Gov’t Corporations: Pillage And Debauchery at The cost of The Peasants.

Government is a profit enterprise, its purpose being to syphon money from your Do’ing and BE’ing through taxes, fees and fines but worse, they are selling that slavery debt to global corporations. It recorded in governments’ books as ‘revenue’. Most countries are registered on the US stock exchange as negotiable instruments that even have to submit an annual company report. The increase in revenue the ‘government’ expects to gain from the additional taxes, fees, fines is also listed in annual report they post to SEC. Read more

“Free Press” Really? – Removing The Word Press from Oppression.

Mainstream Press” is an illusion that has been maintained as a means of controlling the One People of this earth. In 1983 90% of American media was owned by 50 companies. Since 2011 that same 90% has been owned by 6 companies. They are GE, News Corp, Disney, Viacom, Time Warner and CBS. If you expect to get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, you better look elsewhere. Simple fact. Read more

Black Ops: Keeping The Public In The Dark and Feeding Them Shit.

A black operation (black op) is a covert operation by a government, a government agency, or a military organization (including activities by private companies or groups) that are generally not authorized, operate outside of standard military/ intelligence protocol, sometimes against the law, but cannot be linked to the sponsor of the operation. Involves a significant degree of deception to conceal who is behind it or to make it appear that some other entity is responsible.

9/11: Anyone Got An Explanation For What Happened To Building 7 Yet?

Thousands of people were sacrificed on September 11, 2001. Some organizations assert that there is evidence that individuals within the United States government were either responsible for or knowingly complicit in the September 11 attacks. Motives suggested the use of the attacks was a pretext to start wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and to create opportunities to curtail civil liberties. Full disclosure still to come.

Chemtrails: Ribbons In The Sky Spinning and Evil Web of Destruction.

You need to discern for yourself. Look up in the sky, notice what you see, ask questions and do your research… We have provided some information to give you a very brief overview of what Chemtrails are, what they look like, and how Chemtrails may effect you. Read more

Spirituality: “A Thousand Monks, A Thousand Religions.

The awareness that all things are sacred and have universal value that transcends religion and mainstream science. The term “spirituality” in a Biblical context, means being animated by God. Love is the central theme and the most important focus for understanding the connection with all that is. Looking for the meaning in events, discussions and thoughts of the day can help guide and give direction as we BE and DO in FREE’Do’m, absent limits. Why let’s start paying attention to synchronicity more.

Celestial: Angelic Beings, Protecting and Guiding.

Astronomical objects or celestial objects are naturally occurring phenomena that current science has demonstrated to exist in the observable universe. Another reference is to heavenly bodies or angelic beings. The “angel” notions of spirit are found in many religious traditions. One role of the angels is protecting and guiding human beings, and carrying out God’s tasks. Benevolent celestial beings act as intermediaries between heaven and earth and are often seen with various glowing lights.

UFO: Disclosure and Revelations That We Are Definitely Not Alone.

Disclosure came from as many as forty researchers and military/agency witnesses who testified over five days before former members of the United States Congress. This historical event was held at the National Press Club in Washington, April 29 2013 and told the world what the world already knew: That there was definite and undeniable evidence that ‘flying saucers’, UFO’s and Identified Flying Objects not only exist, but are working with many groups around the world, and have been since at least 1940.

Human Potential: What If You Actually tapped Into Your Human Potential?

BE’ing Absent Limits opens and admits the floodgate of human potential! No-one of us had to be taught how to walk. All we needed was to see someone else walking and we remembered we knew how to do it. All we could then DO was wait for our physicality to catch up, and instead we explored everything as best we could, with no fear, Absent Limits. The same applies to all tapping into any particular potentiality, influenced by intent, Do’ing and BE’ing. Watch another, remember how and emulate.

Health: Big Pharma and Food and Drug Administration Plans, To Medicate Society.

Radiation, pesticides, growth hormones and genetic modification. The list goes on. Flouride, chlorine, sulpher dioxide, wax and more. Then there is the effect of microwaves on plastic and the effect of Teflon when ingested, all toxic poisoning. Simple facts: Fresh is best, Green is good, Red and Purple are great. Other facts: White foods act like glue, sugar acts like a drug, diary acts like a plug.

Again, you can find the source for this post here.

Things That Drive Me Nuts

There’s a lot of things that drives me nuts so to speak, same as anyone else I suppose. But one thing that really gets to me is seeing someone having a problem and not being able to help. Its ten times worse when its a person of the opposite sex because I know what they’re thinking and its usually wrong. I try to be helpful to everyone I see needing it, whether its opening a door for some lady at the store or giving a guy a couple of dollars to get something to drink or eat. The latter of that just happened last Saturday night on my way home from practice. I would have given him a ride home too if someone else hadn’t already said they would. He had car trouble and had walked a long way into town and had a long way to go still to get home. He was offering to put 15 dollars worth of gas into my truck but I wouldn’t have taken it. All he had was some kind of card to use for the gas. I gave him the two bucks I had in my pocket to get him something to drink and another guy gave him a ride.

Some people would have thought that guy was just pan handling or begging or whatever but I could tell he was sincere. He felt ashamed or something that he was asking for help. You could see it all over him plain as day. I hope that other guy didn’t take the 15 dollars worth of gas unless he really needed it. Some people would have jumped at fifteen bucks worth of gas out of greed. It wouldn’t have been more than ten miles out of my way.

They say people come into your life or you meet them for a reason. I hate it when I don’t know the reason though hahaha. Some things are not meant to be either. Remember to flush please, and thanks for the memories!

Peace!

Its Been A while

I’ve got so much built up to say I don’t know where to begin. I doubt I have the go go juice to write everything in one shot. My ass has been busy going to meetings all last week and even last Saturday. The NA group sponsored a cookout at the lake and I was the last person to leave and one of the first to show up. A lot of people showed up for it too. It was alright, nothing really special. There is a girl in the NA group I’d like to get to know better and pick her brain a little, but she’s a tuff nut to crack. There’s another girl in that class/meetings that I think sees what I’m seeing too. Its kinda spooky to ask some questions of other people because I’m never sure who’s who around here.

I went to Sunday nights meeting a little early and another guy was outside smoking so I joined him and we talked about all our DUI’s and court fines etc,. Just regular small talk kind of stuff, and one of the group leaders came out and see who was talking outside the door because they had heard us talking from inside. They do leave the door halfway open until the meeting starts..

My wife/ex-wife came by the cookout and stayed no more than ten minutes. She got the creeps and hauled ass from there. Everyone was staring at her like “who the fuck is this?” my son felt it too. Later on that night she told me she felt like she’d walked up on a cult meeting. That made about the fourth time I’ve heard these organizations referred to as cults just recently. I’d heard the same several years ago when I was attending some meetings in another town away from here a ways. That group told me my home town group was more of a reserved for the higher ups type of people like business owners and it was “cultish”. Of course almost all the AA members there were meth addicts, so I took it with a grain of salt. I didn’t get enough AA meetings under my belt to get a feel for it back then. I’ve got a feel for it now for sure. Red flags are flying everywhere lately.

What first struck me hardest about this experience was this insistence on “admitting to yourself that you are powerless over your addiction”. That’s total bullshit and I will never “admit” something as stupid as that. I am the ONLY fucking person powerful enough to make myself stop drinking, and I have. I was doing just fine thank you in my sobriety when this “religious indoctrination program” came along. They claim they’re not a religious organization, they’re “spiritual”. According to them. Funny how there’s a prayer at the beginning and end of every meeting when its not supposed to be religious. After the last prayer they continue to hold hands and chat in unison; “keep coming back ’cause it works if you work it (12 steps) and you die if you don’t, believe That”

So I’m going to die now if I don’t keep coming to the meetings? Is that some kind of a veiled threat?  Some Hispanic couple was there recently and had asked about where they could get the AA Big Book in Spanish. Not a damn one of the members had a clue. I told them they could possibly read it on the internet if they had internet access. They do, so I went home that night and got on aa’s own website where you can read the book for free, buy a hard copy, or download it on a Kindle and a couple other reader devices. BTW …. the grand pubah dude didn’t like me talking about “reading for free” until I told him it was on AA’s own website. Looking out for AA funding I suppose. They all ended up thanking me before it was all said and done though. Especially the totally freaking hottt Hispanic lady who thanked me for printing out all the info for them in Spanish using google translate (lol).

It don’t hurt to be helpful of others AND get to look at pretty woman too right? It bothered me that mr grand pubah guy was more concerned with the organization getting some money than he was of being helpful to these people. As tight as money is these days there’s no reason for anyone to buy the book when you can read it online for free. Especially if you have to means (debit or credit card) to purchase something online. Her husband is trying to get his citizenship papers and they are afraid his dui might have messed that up or set it back for them. I hope it works out alright for them. They even bring their children to the meetings. They may even have to use the computer at the library to read it. Lots of people around here can’t afford a 3 hundred dollar laptop, much less the monthly bill that goes with internet service. I have seen quite a few people using laptops at the laundry mat because of the free wi-fi there.

But back to the juicy shit … well not just yet anyway. I still have some verification’s to work on before I spill the beans. My sponsor is supposed to be bringing me a workbook so I can “start workin those steps” ….. Come on, is that not some straight up indoctrination shit? This is where they want to fill out a notebook with all your “confessions” and whatever else. They seem to be very curious about peoples sex lives on all these worksheets from the class I still haven’t completed. All the questions are set up specifically for people IN their addictions. I’m in recovery and I have been for over six years now. I didn’t go to even one AA meeting before I sobered up. This program has all come late for me. I’m in other places now. I’ve found alternative things to do that are not harmful and destructive although some will argue that I’m knocking on AA. I’m trying my best to NOT do that, but I’ve also got to point out the similarities with others stories.

What I get from it is a feeling that my problems aren’t so bad after all. I’m not necessarily saying I’m better or worse off than anyone else. Everyone Has Problems! We all find the commonality of that for sure. Everyone there has been in front of a judge or two or maybe even twenty.  They can claim non religious all they want, but its a meeting of people, which could be called of a spiritual or religious nature, a gathering of people, and reciting prayers as official opening and closings of a meetings.

This is really some fucked up information on the group. I’m almost scared to share some of it right now without checking it out good first. This can literally blow that whole organization out of the water and expose it for what it is. I’ve seen all I need to see to be honest. It reeks strongly of a cult, and I have studied cults in depth for several years. I wish my buddy up Boston way could be a little mouse in my pocket during all these meetings. I have no doubt he would have caught on by the first meeting. I’ve seen nothing but red flags now when I go to meetings and I’m about to head to one right now.

You can find the one of the best websites on it @ http://www.orange-papers.org/

Get ready to do some serious reading though. There’s a lot to take in and I’ve been onto it for two days reading and even printing things. They’ve even got a copy of Bill W’s.  Last Will and Testimony on there that’s pretty interesting. He supposedly left stock share to his favorite mistress. There’s some serious accusations flaying around to that seem to have validity to them.

Always be careful what you look for when you’re out there “truth seeking”. Sometimes you get what you ask for and its nothing like you thought. Its ten times worse than it appears at least. I feel like the guy in the movie, They Live. with the magic sunglasses that see right through bullshit.

For anyone suffering from an addiction right now I would say to look deep within yourself. Not just one hour or one day or maybe a month or two and to focus on something positive and KNOW that you don’t HAVE TO make that “bad choice”. Its alright to make the good choice too. Find that “Higher Brain” and stop listening to the lizaed brain so much. He or she always has something that’s going to get you into some kind of trouble. Find something else that gets you that high feeling without using a chemical substance to get that. Your Lizard Brain, that little demon guy from the cartoons sitting on your shoulder telling you to get high is your lizard brain or lower brain (more primitive). Your higher conscious brain is the one that’s your smarter and more powerful brain. Which means you can slap that little cartoon devil right off your shoulder any time you want to. IF you want to. That is your choice. Only you can stop you from drinking and drugs.

Read those words carefully, maybe twice, and then ponder this shit for a while.

Peace Folks!! All ‘Ya Need is Love

PS ….. I may write a blurb after tonight’s NA meeting.

Another Day

Here it is Thursday already. The week is flying by fast for me this week. Since Sunday I have made it to 5 meetings when you add them all up. One girl got her certificate this week and everyone was proud of her for earning that. I got my 30 day medal/chip thing Wednesday night during the AA meeting for not drinking one drop for a whole 30 days. I’ve been in recovery now for over 6 years now but my recent go around with AA and NA have only been with me for 6 or so weeks now. I’ve been to AA before and am familiar with it. I’m not necessarily in that much need of it but I do like the people there and I’m going to continue on going even after my program ends. Who knows, I might end up helping someone and that’s a good enough reason to stick around.

Somebody from AA will read that and say I’m one of those “in denial” people lol. I’ve done a pretty damn good job at staying sober all on my own for over six years now. I wouldn’t knock the program though because it does work for a lot of people. A lot of people chose to keep it a regular part of their life for the rest of their life. And that’s absolutely fantastic. Whatever it takes to keep a person sober is what they should be doing. Addiction is a motherfucker and it will bitch slap you all over the place if you let it. And when you’re in your addiction you WILL let it slap you around.

I’m still reading my AA Big Book every day. I try to get a chapter a day read with that book. Of course I read a lot every day. I’ve got a lot of irons in the fire with book. Its not uncommon for me to be reading 2 or 3 books at the same time plus articles and essays on the internet. Not to mention some of the e-books I have collected over the years. I could make a small library jealous of my book collection. Its nearly a fire hazard in itself, except books don’t burn real easily, thankfully. And I do have a couple books that have been on fire before. Luckily they’re in good shape and readable still.

That’s about all I got for now. Gotta let the dog out so she can make her rounds before hitting the recliner for the night.

Take care …. and tell someone you love ’em today.

Monday

Hey ‘mon its another day. Another weekend in the books and another no show for a singer, bass player, and drummer. I don’t know what’s up with these guys, I guess they’re not as serious as my friend and I. We got together Saturday night and practiced for about 7 hours without the rest of the band anyway. We got bored enough I guess that I sang a few songs myself. I’m still not much on singing either. It took me a long time to ever get to the point that I could sing and play guitar at the same time. But singing just isn’t what I’m into unless its just singing some back up. I don’t mind doing that at all, I’ve gotten comfortable with it over the years. My friend can’t sing and play at the same time at all. His timing goes to hell as soon as he starts singing, and I know exactly how that is. It took a lot of years practicing at it to ever pull it off and I still have a lot of trouble with some songs.

The phrasing is what kills me most. I’m still on with my timing but if I don’t know the song very well, meaning I’ve heard and played it  a lot, I have trouble. My memory isn’t what it used to be and I rely on a lyric sheet a lot when I do try to sing a song. Singing backup doesn’t take near the effort that singing lead does. We haven’t got enough years to waste on waiting to see if I could ever do it though. We need to find a singer who wants to perform as much as we do, even though we don’t want to play every weekend or anything. I’d like to play twice a month or so though.

I knew we’d never get anywhere with cops in our band. They just have the wrong work days and hours for being in a working band. It takes a lot of time off stage practicing and learning to be good enough to go on stage and perform at a level that people will actually pay money to be anywhere about you while you’re playing. Most people don’t have any idea of how much time and effort it takes to do that. And not everyone does have the time. Its a frustrating line of work to get into most of the time. The only real reward behind it is making people feel better and have a good time while you’re hopefully entertaining them. Anyone that wants to be a musician just to get rich should hang it up now because you’re guaranteed to have a bad time.

My weekend wasn’t bad despite the no shows. We got better at playing some songs at least. Last night, to top off a pretty decent weekend already, I got to talk to a good friend of mine. Its been a while since we had a good chat. I was giving him the lowdown on AA and he was catching me up a little with the outside world. I don’t mess around much with media anymore. Most of them are lying to us anyway. I learned  something new about the missile that hit the pentagon on 9/11. I haven’t done much investigating lately into that subject. We laughed about how we were both “experts” on that whole subject. And I guess we really are kind of experts on it. We were truthers before the word came into mainstream existence. We used to tag team the shills on a forum until it dried up and went away forever. That was weird how they managed to delete that whole thing from the internet archives. You might get lucky and find a bit and piece here and there of it, but probably nothing important. Somewhere along the way we posted too much information for uncle scam I guess.

Over all it was a pretty good weekend. I didn’t drink lol.

What Keeps Me Sober

Back X-Ray

That’s what keeps me sober. Its a painful reminder, and its impossible to forget. The side view looks a lot worse but I don’t have a picture of that on my computer. There are 12 screws, 3 inches long that keep those rods attached to my spine. That’s what keeps me from being confined to a wheelchair. The proper name for these are Harrington Rods.

From Wikipedia: The Harrington implant (or Harrington rod) is a stainless steelsurgical device. Historically, this rod was implanted along the spinal column to treat, among other conditions, a lateral or coronal-plane curvature of the spine, or scoliosis. Up to one million people had Harrington rods implanted for scoliosis between the early 1960s and the late 1990s.

That’s what holds me together these days. I’m amazed that I’m still able to strap a guitar on and play. Playing in a sitting position bothers me more than anything believe it or not. You have to lean forward a little when you’re sitting and playing and that’s more painful than any other way. I can go about 45 minutes on the average before I have to put it down and take a break.

I’m most likely going to get together with my guitar playing band mate tonight and do a little practicing before Saturdays big band rehearsal. Hopefully everyone can show up this weekend. The last three weekends have been a no show for a couple of the band members. I’m not sure this new lineup is ever going to work out. Its pretty hard getting five guys together on the same night to practice. Everyone has a family and a job that keeps us all pretty busy. No matter how it turns out I’ll still be there for practice every time because that’s just what keeps me going and gives me something enjoyable to live for.

Anyway, I just thought I’d share that with the world today in case anyone ever reads my blog and wonders “wtf is wrong with this dude.”

Peace!